DEALING WITH SOCIOPATHIC ABUSE

".....sociopaths wreak havoc in a covert way, so that their underlying condition remains hidden for years. They can possess a superficial charm, and this diverts attention from disturbing aspects of their nature. "

"The NARCISSIST depends to such an extent on the opinions of the people around them that they transform into ultra sensitive seismographs of public opinion and into barometers of prevailing social fashions and guardians of conformity. The narcissist can not afford to seriously alienate his consitituency, the people around that reflect his (her) false sense of self back to him" Minute 12:19
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-HLNJUWRw8

Why Narcissists Keep Harems ; Narcissists keep harems because they love to have their egos stroked and they need constant validation from the outside world to feed their need for excessive admiration and confirm their grandiose sense of self-importance. They are clever chameleons who are also people-pleasers, morphing into whatever personality suits them in situations with different types of people. It is no surprise, then, that the narcissist begins a smear campaign against you not too long after the discard phase, in order to paint you as the unstable one, and that this is usually successful with the narcissist’s support network which also tends to consist of other narcissists, people-pleasers, empaths, as well as people who are easily charmed.

The biggest trait (or magic trick as I like to call it) that makes narcissistic sociopaths so dangerous and effective is their ability to go unnoticed by the rest of us. They can do this, because they are good at pretending (lying) and wearing many masks (again, lying). Simply put, they lie to themselves and everyone else. They lie so much that some of them are convinced of their own lies, which is where evil is born.

Narcissists use (LOVE TRIANGLES) RELATIONSHIP TRIANGULATION
to control their victims.

Healthy relationships thrive on security; unhealthy ones are filled with provocation, uncertainty and infidelity.

Narcissists like to manufacture love triangles and bring in the opinions of others to validate their point of view. They do this to an excessive extent in order to play puppeteer to your emotions. In the book Psychopath Free by Peace, the method of triangulation is discussed as a popular way the narcissist maintains control over your emotions.

Triangulation consists of bringing the presence of another person into the dynamic of the relationship, whether it be an ex-lover, a current mistress, a relative, or a complete stranger.

This triangulation can take place over social media, in person, or even through the narcissist’s own verbal accounts of the other woman or man. The narcissist relies on jealousy as a powerful emotion that can cause you to compete for his or her affections, so provocative statements like “I wish you’d be more like her,” or “He wants me back into his life, I don’t know what to do” are designed to trigger the abuse victim into competing and feeling insecure about his or her position in the narcissist’s life.

Unlike healthy relationships where jealousy is communicated and dealt with in a productive manner, the narcissist will belittle your feelings and continue inappropriate flirtations and affairs without a second thought. Triangulation is the way the narcissist maintains control and keeps you in check – you’re so busy competing for his or her attention that you’re less likely to be focusing on the red flags within the relationship or looking for ways to get out of the relationship.

( Important snippets from below ) ;

FALSE SELF vs TRUE SELF

The sociopath / narcissist hides behind the armor of a “false self,” a construct of qualities and traits that he or she usually presents to the outside world. Due to this armor, you are unlikely to comprehend the full extent of a narcissist’s inhumanity and lack of empathy until you are in the discard phase. This can make it difficult to pinpoint who the narcissistic abuser truly is – the sweet, charming and seemingly remorseful person that appears shortly after the abuse, or the abusive partner who ridicules, invalidates and belittles you on a daily basis? You suffer a great deal of cognitive dissonance trying to reconcile the illusion the narcissist first presented to you with the tormenting behaviors he or she subjects you to. In order to cope with this cognitive dissonance, you might blame yourself for his or her abusive behavior and attempt to “improve” yourself when you have done nothing wrong, just to uphold your belief in the narcissist’s false self during the devaluation phase.

Lovefraud Lesson #5: When sociopaths pretend to be your sudden soul mate
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNyha9uPneo

How to spot a sociopath - 10 red flags that could save you from being swept under the influence of a charismatic nut job by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, NaturalNews Editor
http://www.naturalnews.com/z036112_sociopaths_cults_influence.html

Friday, February 20, 2015 6:22 PM

Top of Form

Bottom of Form

From:  "Doc Stars" <doc_starz@yahoo.com>

To:  sound_of_stars@yahoogroups.com

Key Excerpts below are taken from the full article found here ;

https://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2010/01/15/bad-relationships-change-your-role-and-the-rules-of-engagement/

Being abused by a partner who is publicly charming? Read this if you want to : "...grow out of your old familiar role of target/frustrated spouse/scapegoat-for-everything-wrong-in-his-her-life-and-every-bad-feeling-he-she-has and become a person who stands up for and respects himself/herself.

This is a significant piece of identity development that may very well cause you to outgrow abusive, one-sided relationships altogether—and that’s a good thing. Charming Sociopaths that secretly abuse their partners, once they realize that their partner has finally "figured them out", will start planning to leave the relationship secretly without telling their partner and they will begin looking elsewhere for their fix of "emotional supply", someone who they can control initially with their charm that will feed them energetically without any clue as to the sort of person they really are. Before it gets to that point however, if you are dealing with this sort of person - review
the following info:

"An abusive personality will continue to rage, withdraw, name-call, degrade, shame, guilt-trip and other more subtle abuse tactics such as dirty looks, smirking and gaslighting as long as there aren’t any consequences for doing so. Even when there are consequences they’ll often continue to engage in destructive, abusive behaviors. It’s their nature; just like it’s a snake’s nature to strike at you with its fangs when you get too close.

Abusive individuals make the rules and break the rules. Thus far it’s been your role to go along with her whims, tirades, and more subtle forms of abuse. When you change the way you behave, your beliefs and attitudes will change, too. You’ll grow out of your old familiar role of target/frustrated spouse/scapegoat-for-everything-wrong-in-her-life-and-every-bad-feeling-she-has and become a person who stands up for and respects himself. This is a significant piece of identity development that may very well cause you to outgrow abusive, one-sided relationships altogether—and that’s a good thing.

When she sees that these are lasting changes and she can’t control you anymore, she’ll accuse you of having changed, engage in projection and tell you that you’re being abusive and controlling and/or may actually end the relationship herself. She may enlist friends, family members and professional therapists or pastors to force you back into your old role in an effort to maintain the status quo.

Alternatively, she may withdraw entirely and become the sullen martyr. Nevertheless, her power over you will be gone because she won’t be able to manipulate you and your emotions like a puppet on a string anymore.

Many abusers, narcissists, borderlines, sociopaths and bullies are intuitive predators. They intuitively know what buttons to push to get a reaction. In order to change your role and the rules of your relationship, you need to rewire your “buttons.”

Her hurtful and insensitive behaviors are designed to get a reaction from you. She wants to see pain flicker in your eyes. She wants to see you wince and become crestfallen. She wants you to sink down to her level and lash out in return so she can play the victim and portray you as the bad guy—never mind how much she provoked you.

When you tell someone that their behavior is hurtful and unacceptable, there are several possible outcomes. She or he can:

Hear what you say, hold themselves accountable, respect your feelings and actively try to change. Translation: I love and respect you. I care about your feelings and will make every effort to change.

Hear what you say, hold themselves accountable, respect your feelings, communicate which of your behaviors are contributing to the situation and you both actively try to change. Translation: I love and respect you. I care about your feelings and will make every effort to change.
Acknowledge their hurtful behavior, but hey, you knew what they were like when you married them so get used to it and stop complaining. Translation: I don’t care about your needs and feelings. I won’t change.

Acknowledge their hurtful behavior and then blame you for it. Translation: I’m not responsible for my actions. It’s your fault. You deserve it. I don’t care about your feelings. I won’t change.
Acknowledge their hurtful behavior, make a lame apology while justifying their actions (blame you), repeat the same hurtful behavior over and over again as if you never talked about it and become angry if you don’t forgive them. Translation: What I want is more important. I don’t care about your feelings. I won’t change.

Deny their hurtful behavior and accuse you of being the abusive one. Translation: I’m above reproach. You’re crazy. My needs and feelings are the only ones that matter. You need to adapt yourself to my silences and rages and pretend like nothing is wrong. I don’t care about your feelings. I won’t change.

Minimize their hurtful behavior and accuse you of being oversensitive and unreasonable. “It’s not that bad. Don’t be such a baby. You’re so thin-skinned.” Translation: I’m not accountable. Your nose broke because it got in the way of my fist, so your nose should apologize to my fist. I don’t care about your feelings. I won’t change.

People persist in both positive and negative behaviors because there’s a payoff; a primary gain or secondary gain. They’re rewarded with pleasure, they avoid punishment or an unpleasant consequence, their beliefs are validated or they get to feel good about themselves. There’s always an emotional, psychological and/or physical stake—feeling good or avoiding feeling bad.

Scenarios 1 and 2 are the only mutually satisfying long-term relationship outcomes. Scenarios 3-7 are either “get out now” or “live a life of resignation” outcomes. This may seem black and white, but if someone won’t acknowledge their bad behavior, blames you for it or acknowledges it and refuses to do anything about it, you’re not in a mutual two-way relationship. You’re in an abusive, one-way relationship.

Staying in the relationship and engaging in the same pattern over and over again, telegraphs that the abuse is okay—even if you actively complain about it to your partner and specifically say “it’s not okay.” If you really weren’t okay with it, you’d communicate with your feet.

If you’re not ready to end the relationship just yet, you need to change the one person you can change: YOU. If you’ve told your partner how hurtful her/his behavior is and she/he refuses to acknowledge it and/or attacks you even more, you need to change how you react and respond to the hurtful and abusive behaviors.

A relationship is a “field.” Field theory was developed by Kurt Lewin, a Gestalt psychologist and founder of Social Psychology, in the 1940’s. “Field theory holds that behavior must be derived from a totality of coexisting facts. These coexisting facts make up a ‘dynamic field,’ which means that the state of any part of the field depends on every other part of it. Behavior depends on the present field rather than on the past or the future” (Wikipedia). In other words, a change in one part of the system creates a reaction or ripple effect throughout the entire the system, just like throwing a pebble into a pool of water."

====

A FRIEND TO ALL IS A FRIEND TO NONE ; being friends to everyone is to be disloyal to those who merit your friendship by friending those that do not, such as those who are evil or nefarious, to the detriment of those who are true. It means you cannot be trusted to do the right thing or that you treat everyone the same just to avoid conflict rather than to stand for what is right and risk losing "friends" by doing so. if you give friendship to everyone then your friendship means nothing, making you a true friend to none It means that someone is trying to be a people pleaser and trying to be popular instead of sticking with a few close friends. They should value their close friends and stand up for them instead of trying to please everyone. Too many eggs in too many baskets....means that since everyone is different, and has different opinions, if you're a friend to all - you're two faced - and therefore not really a friend to anyone.
http://deoxy.org/iching/random
...

===

updated : Sociopaths, Narcissists & Unfaithful people in love or business

Wednesday, May 6, 2015 5:30 PM

Top of Form

Bottom of Form

From:  "Doc Stars" <doc_starz@yahoo.com>

To: sound_of_stars@yahoogroups.com

Unfaithful people in love or business tend to exhibit similiar behaviours
and tactics. When they can no longer succeed at lying, hiding, reframing
what they are doing, such as cheating, being overly flirtatious with others,
consistently crossing boundaries, betraying confidences - such
as discussing personal intimacy issues ouitside the relationship
to inappropriate audiences, their next step is to blame their
partner for their own infidelity.

The weaker the character, the lazier the disposition, the more selfish the nature - the more
they will blame their partner. Be cautious as these are definite characteristics of the sociopathic profile. What can you do if this is happening to you? Start off by considering very seriously
that the person you thought you were in a relationship with, regardless of how long, how charming, how superficially appealing they may be in certain ways is NOT the actual person you have been dealing with.

As fast as you can, try to develop a much clearer understanding of who and what the creature you are actually dealing with is and realize that your heart should be placed only fully in the hands of a person who truly loves and respects you and is willing and capable of being consistently a reliable, trust worthy person who supports you verbally, emotionally and physically. Further, ensure you have educated yourself in the following information :

SPOTTING THE SOCIOPATH, NARCISSIST : CHECK LIST

- Need for stimulation or proneness to boredom. An excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Sociopaths often have low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because they get bored easily. They fail to work at the same job for any length of time, for example, or to finish tasks that they consider dull or routine.

- Glib and superficial charm. The tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, slick, and verbally facile. Sociopathic charm is not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. A sociopath never gets tongue-tied.

-Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions);

- Constantly envious of others and seeks to hurt or destroy the objects of his or her frustration. Suffers from persecutory (paranoid) delusions as he or she believes that they feel the same about him or her and are likely to act similarly;

-Impulsivity. The occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless.

- Pathological lying. Can be moderate or high; in moderate form, they will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever; in extreme form, they will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest.

- Conning and manipulative. The use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one’s victims.

-Poor behavioral controls. Expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.

- Promiscuous sexual behavior. A variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests.

- Early behavior problems. A variety of behaviors prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating, vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use, and running away from home.

- Lack of realistic, long-term goals. An inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.

The biggest trait (or magic trick as I like to call it) that makes narcissistic sociopaths so dangerous and effective is their ability to go unnoticed by the rest of us. They can do this, because they are good at pretending (lying) and wearing many masks (again, lying). Simply put, they lie to themselves and everyone else. They lie so much that some of them are convinced of their own lies, which is where evil is born.

...............

BEAUTIFUL, CHARMING, HANDSOME : Psychpaths & Sycophants

Psychopaths and sycophants are made for each other. Their symbiosis works as long as
psychopaths remain clever enough to conceal their real game plans with the false promises
sycophants yearn for.

FIRST, What is a "Sycophant" : A person who attempts to gain
advantage by flattering influential people or behaving in a servile manner.

The sycophants kiss up to the images the psychopaths have planted in their minds.
With servile devotion, sycophants reach for the handouts from their masters,
oblivious to the source of the presumed benefits.

Identifying psychopaths is both difficult and easy. A mnemonic that can be used to
remember the criteria for antisocial personality disorder, ordinarily considered to
be the umbrella term that includes psychopaths, is "CORRUPT":

C - cannot follow law
O - obligations ignored
R – remorselessness
R – recklessness
U – underhandedness
P - planning deficit and
T – temper.

Only three or more of these are viewed as necessary to point towards an antisocial personality disorder, so you can assess yourself and anyone else against the seven criteria – none of which require the individual to have killed anyone!
http://www.management-issues.com/opinion/4112/psychopaths--sycophants/

http://cultbustersgalactica.yuku.com/topic/257/WORKPLACE-PSYCHOPATHS-SYCOPHANTS-Downfall-Capitalism#.VUExnPDW2VI

http://www.hare.org/welcome/

http://www.proliberty.com/observer/20080503.htm

http://s204.photobucket.com/user/cap_franklin/media/SYCOPHANTS.jpg.html?t=1255824653

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-HLNJUWRw8

………..

updated : Sociopaths, Narcissists & Unfaithful people in love or business

Wednesday, May 6, 2015 5:30 PM

Top of Form

Bottom of Form

From: "Doc Stars" <doc_starz@yahoo.com>

To: sound_of_stars@yahoogroups.com

Unfaithful people in love or business tend to exhibit similiar behaviours
and tactics. When they can no longer succeed at lying, hiding, reframing
what they are doing, such as cheating, being overly flirtatious with others,
consistently crossing boundaries, betraying confidences - such
as discussing personal intimacy issues ouitside the relationship
to inappropriate audiences, their next step is to blame their
partner for their own infidelity. The weaker the character, the
lazier the disposition, the more selfish the nature - the more
they will blame their partner. Be cautious as these are definite
characteristics of the sociopathic profile. What can you do
if this is happening to you? Start off by considering very seriously
that the person you thought you were in a relationship with, regardless
of how long, how charming, how superficially appealing they may be in certain
ways is NOT the actual person you have been dealing with.
As fast as you can, try to develop a much clearer understanding of
who and what the creature you are actually dealing with is and realize
that your heart should be placed only fully in the hands of a person
who truly loves and respects you and is willing and capable of
being consistently a reliable, trust worthy person who supports
you verbally, emotionally and physically. Further, ensure you have
educated yourself in the following information :

SPOTTING THE SOCIOPATH, NARCISSIST : CHECK LIST

- Need for stimulation or proneness to boredom. An excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Sociopaths often have low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because they get bored easily. They fail to work at the same job for any length of time, for example, or to finish tasks that they consider dull or routine.

- Glib and superficial charm. The tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, slick, and verbally facile. Sociopathic charm is not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. A sociopath never gets tongue-tied.

-Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions);

- Constantly envious of others and seeks to hurt or destroy the objects of his or her frustration. Suffers from persecutory (paranoid) delusions as he or she believes that they feel the same about him or her and are likely to act similarly;

-Impulsivity. The occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless.

- Pathological lying. Can be moderate or high; in moderate form, they will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever; in extreme form, they will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest.

- Conning and manipulative. The use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one’s victims.

-Poor behavioral controls. Expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.

- Promiscuous sexual behavior. A variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests.

- Early behavior problems. A variety of behaviors prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating, vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use, and running away from home.

- Lack of realistic, long-term goals. An inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.

Narcissists use (LOVE TRIANGLES) RELATIONSHIP TRIANGULATION
to control their victims. Healthy relationships thrive on security; unhealthy ones are filled with provocation, uncertainty and infidelity. Narcissists like to manufacture love triangles and bring in the opinions of others to validate their point of view. They do this to an excessive extent in order to play puppeteer to your emotions. In the book Psychopath Free by Peace, the method of triangulation is discussed as a popular way the narcissist maintains control over your emotions. Triangulation consists of bringing the presence of another person into the dynamic of the relationship, whether it be an ex-lover, a current mistress, a relative, or a complete stranger.

This triangulation can take place over social media, in person, or even through the narcissist’s own verbal accounts of the other woman or man. The narcissist relies on jealousy as a powerful emotion that can cause you to compete for his or her affections, so provocative statements like “I wish you’d be more like her,” or “He wants me back into his life, I don’t know what to do” are designed to trigger the abuse victim into competing and feeling insecure about his or her position in the narcissist’s life.

Unlike healthy relationships where jealousy is communicated and dealt with in a productive manner, the narcissist will belittle your feelings and continue inappropriate flirtations and affairs without a second thought. Triangulation is the way the narcissist maintains control and keeps you in check – you’re so busy competing for his or her attention that you’re less likely to be focusing on the red flags within the relationship or looking for ways to get out of the relationship.
...............

DEALING WITH PSYCHOPATHS, SOCIOPATHS, NEGATIVE ENERGIES, MALEVOLENT GROUPS & FORCES ;

Tuesday, March 24, 2015 10:01 PM

Top of Form

Bottom of Form

From: 

"Doc Stars" <doc_starz@yahoo.com>

To: 

"sound_of_stars@yahoogroups.com" <sound_of_stars@yahoogroups.com> "Spiral_Starz@yahoogroups.ca" <Spiral_Starz@yahoogroups.ca>

Full Headers Printable View

DEALING WITH PSYCHOPATHS, SOCIOPATHS, NEGATIVE ENERGIES, MALEVOLENT GROUPS & FORCES ;
............................
HOW TO IDENTIFY & PROFILE THE CREEPS
http://soundofstars.org/plasticspirit.htm
http://soundofstars.org/escapehatch-xxx.htm
http://soundofstars.org/how2avoidcrazies.htm
http://soundofstars.org/discerningtrust.htm
http://soundofstars.org/psychopath.htm
http://soundofstars.org/zeitgeistdebunked.htm
............................
WHAT TO PAY ATTENTION TO INSIDE YOURSELF
http://soundofstars.org/emotionalsymptoms.htm
............................
SOME HELPFUL TOOLS, METHODS, RESOURCES;
http://soundofstars.org/detectparanormal.htm
http://soundofstars.org/paranormalvoices.htm
http://soundofstars.org/secrets.htm
http://soundofstars.org/memoriesoffuturepast.htm
http://soundofstars.org/alieninvasion.htm

http://soundofstars.org/dangertimemidtolatemarch.htm

http://soundofstars.org/subliminals.htm

…………

RESTLESS People. ( SEE LINK at bottom) Have you noticed recently someone in your circle becoming increasingly restless, chaotic, insensitive? Ive been getting pretty interesting incoming emails from members about this very thing, so I thought Id offer some general feedback on this theme. To date my personal experience is that when this happens to most people its simply that their contact person is under greater personal stress and thats all thats causing it, when the stress abates their old friend resumes their normal behaviour. However this is not always the case and it serves you well to be aware of what those exceptions are so you dont end up a casualty of someone elses injurious dysfunctions.

Sometimes when someone is becoming increasingly restless around you but not others, it can be that they are consciously lying and or hiding something from you, something that could be severe enough that they know there is a good chance that the relationship would end if you found out about it. If they value something about you as a resource and that matters more to them than being honest and truthful then they wont tell you but if they have even the smallest amount of conscience or if the burden of their dishonesty is too
great over time they start getting edgy. Its exhausting to live a lie and it can make some people jumpy, even the well practiced sociopathic calm collected liars can get a bit strung out as they have to always ensure that all the pieces of the stories they spin match.

A similiar often related situation can occur where your restless friend
may be a psychic sponge and they refuse to commit to standing firm in their characer and they literally construct a different "persona" to interface with different friend groups, or different individuals.

Over time this can become taxing as they have trouble always being able to properly adapt the "persona" they use to interface with one group but then having to rapidly switch to a different persona when they are suddenly interfacing with a completely different group or individual. Where this gets interesting is when a sort of "bleed through" occurs where in the behaviour and values they present to one group isnt the same as the values, behaviour they present to a different group but they forget to properly mimic the right fabricated persona to the other group at the right time.

Putting this person suddenly ijn a group of mixed people from a variety of backgrounds of their separate social spheres then becomes very revealing as they have to suddenly juggle completely opposite paradigms and values to attempt to appease what they think are the expectations of these groups.
No wonder they get edgy!

A strong word of caution to you if you deal with this kind of person.
The more psychic your friend is the more likely they are to pick up like a sponge all the back ground noise and chaos of a variety of different collectives. If they dont actually have the same values that you have but they simply pretend to so that it serves them in some way to have you think that you have some deep personal bond with shared principals - be prepared to be shocked when you find out that all they are really doing is telling everyone that they are "like them", but in actuality they dont really share much of the same values of most of the contacts they hang out with. If you could get all the different people they connect with together and were to ask them "what do you think person X's values are?" youd end up discovering that really no one knows who this person actually is.

It can be heart breakingly devastating to find out that your contact
or friend has been wearing a mask all along just to pretend they
are "with you", "on your side", etc.... only to find out that really all along they tell everyone the same thing - and this can be dangerous too because that means you really cant trust anything theyve ever told you. Remember the quote " A friend to all is a friend to none". Thats a quote you need to take really seriously.

For those members who have contacted me and have shared your
experiences similiar to the above especially in regards to your
business relationships you need to exercise extra caution.

Being setup by a superficially charming personal friend is one thing
but when this happens in business as you know your very livelihood
can be at stake.

Over the last few years Ive compiled a number of articles, links
on these topics and I will post a main link to these resources
in the comments section of this post shortly for your convenience.

CLICK THE LINK ; http://soundofstars.org/sociopaths.htm

….

TRUE vs FALSE Friends ( I CHING ) ;

In friendships and close relationships an individual must make a careful choice. He surrounds himself either with good or with bad company; he cannot have both at once. If he throws himself away on unworthy friends he loses connection with people of intellectual power who could further him in the good.

A man must free himself from such chance acquaintances with whom he has no inner connection. For otherwise the friends who share his views, on whom he could really rely and together with whom he could accomplish something, mistrust him and stay away.

Nine in the fourth place means:
Deliver yourself from your great toe.

In times of standstill it will happen that inferior people attach themselves to a superior man, and through force of daily habit they may grow very close to him and become indispensable, just as the big toe is indispensable to the foot because it makes walking easier. But when the time of deliverance draws near, with its call to deeds, a man must free himself from such chance acquaintances with whim he has no inner connection. For otherwise the friends who share his views, on whom he could really rely and together with whom he could accomplish something, mistrust him and stay away.

STANDSTILL. Evil people do not further
The perseverance of the superior man.
The great departs; the small approaches.

Heaven and earth are out of communion and all things are benumbed. What is above has no relation to what is below, and on earth confusion and disorder prevail. The dark power is within, the light power is without. Weakness is within, harshness without. Within are the inferior, and without are the superior. The way of inferior people is in ascent; the way of superior people is one the decline. But the superior people do not allow themselves to be turned from their principles. If the possibility of exerting influence is closed to them, they nevertheless remain faithful to their principles and withdraw into seclusion.

INNOCENCE. Supreme success.
Perseverance furthers.
If someone is not as he should be,
He has misfortune,
And it does not further him
To undertake anything.

Man has received from heaven a nature innately good, to guide him in all his movements. By devotion to this divine spirit within himself, he attains an unsullied innocence that leads him to do right with instinctive sureness and without any ulterior thought of reward and personal advantage. This instinctive certainty brings about supreme success and 'furthers through perseverance". However, not everything instinctive is nature in this higher sense of the word, but only that which is right and in accord with the will of heaven. Without this quality of rightness, an unreflecting, instinctive way of acting brings only misfortune. Confucius says about this: "He who departs from innocence, what does he come to? Heaven's will and blessing do not go with his deeds."

Nine in the fourth place means:
Voluntary retreat brings good fortune to the superior man
And downfall to the inferior man.

In retreating the superior man is intent on taking his departure willingly and in all friendliness. He easily adjusts his mind to retreat, because in retreating he does not have to do violence to his convictions. The only one who suffers is the inferior man from whom he retreats, who will degenerate when deprived of the guidance of the superior man.

INNOCENCE. Supreme success.
Perseverance furthers.
If someone is not as he should be,
He has misfortune,
And it does not further him
To undertake anything.

Man has received from heaven a nature innately good, to guide him in all his movements. By devotion to this divine spirit within himself, he attains an unsullied innocence that leads him to do right with instinctive sureness and without any ulterior thought of reward and personal advantage. This instinctive certainty brings about supreme success and 'furthers through perseverance". However, not everything instinctive is nature in this higher sense of the word, but only that which is right and in accord with the will of heaven. Without this quality of rightness, an unreflecting, instinctive way of acting brings only misfortune. Confucius says about this: "He who departs from innocence, what does he come to? Heaven's will and blessing do not go with his deeds."

Nine in the fourth place means:
Voluntary retreat brings good fortune to the superior man
And downfall to the inferior man.

In retreating the superior man is intent on taking his departure willingly and in all friendliness. He easily adjusts his mind to retreat, because in retreating he does not have to do violence to his convictions. The only one who suffers is the inferior man from whom he retreats, who will degenerate when deprived of the guidance of the superior man.
.............

Frank Sinatra - Half As Lovely (Twice As True) Lyrics |

If only you were Half as Lovely and Twice as True
If your eyes were half as bright
They still would light my way
If your heart were twice as true
Then you'd be mine today
That's why I often wish
That you were half as lovely, twice as true
.....

Silence Implies Consent
WIKI ;
Dec 5, 2013 - "Silence implies consent" is a concept of social interaction, which states roughly that people tend to assume lack of response to an action as ...

....

Andrew Was Valuable, and Didn’t Need to Impress Anyone

Andrew obviously had a really good understanding of his value to his organization. He knew that that his skill of securing servers from hackers was important enough that he wouldn’t get fired for showing up to work slightly buzzed and in flip flops.

The thing I thought was really interesting about Andrew, is that he was very proud of the fact that he could pull off dressing badly for work. His wardrobe essentially says “I’m so good at my job, that I can dress like a slob, and people have to go along with it.”
http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140705052017-30162001-how-dressing-dumpy-is-a-status-symbol?trk=tod-home-art-list-large_0
...

TWINS IN DREAM LAND : Where Are We When We’re Not Here?

Twins are known to communicate while in a dream state. It’s my understanding that they will sometimes see their twin in a dream, then later call to tell them about it. Of course, the other twin already knows of the dream having seen their sibling too.
The passion from a lost “twin flame” can also bubble up in dream land. Here’s an opportunity to say the things that were never said and to maybe even embrace one last time. Here the emotional energy is just as intense as it would be in a physical state— and sometimes even greater. There are also countless stories of wives who dreamt of their husbands while they were stationed in combat zones in foreign countries. Sometimes the dreams were foretelling of a serious incident or tragedy. Such events serve to further my sense that we can’t possibly stay in our bodies while we sleep.
http://www.wakingtimes.com/2014/07/02/where-are-we-when-were-not-here/

...............

Smear Campaigns & Narcissists.

Narcissists keep harems because they love to have their egos stroked and they need constant validation from the outside world to feed their need for excessive admiration and confirm their grandiose sense of self-importance. They are clever chameleons who are also people-pleasers, morphing into whatever personality suits them in situations with different types of people. It is no surprise, then, that the narcissist begins a smear campaign against you not too long after the discard phase, in order to paint you as the unstable one, and that this is usually successful with the narcissist’s support network which also tends to consist of other narcissists, people-pleasers, empaths, as well as people who are easily charmed.

This smear campaign accomplishes three things:

1) it depicts you as the abuser or unstable person and deflects your accusations of abuse,

2) it provokes you, thus proving your instability to others when trying to argue his or her depiction of you, and

3) serves as a hoovering technique in which the narcissist seeks to pull you back into the trauma of the relationship as you struggle to reconcile the rumors about you with who you actually are by speaking out against the accusations. The only way to not get pulled into this tactic is by going full No Contact with both the narcissist and his or her harem.

The Idealization-Devaluation-Discard Phase

Narcissists and those with antisocial traits tend to subject romantic partners through three phases within a relationship. The idealization phase (which often happens most strongly during the early stages of dating or a relationship) consists of putting you on a pedestal, making you the center of his/her world, being in contact with you frequently, and showering you with flattery and praise. You are convinced that the narcissist can’t live without you and that you’ve met your soulmate. Be wary of: constant texting, shallow flattery and wanting to be around you at all times. This is a technique known as “lovebombing” and it is how most victims get sucked in: they are tired of the “games” people play with each other in communication and are flattered by the constant attention they get from the narcissist. You may be fooled into thinking that this means a narcissist is truly interested in you, when in fact, he or she is interested in making you dependent on their constant praise and attention.

The devaluation phase is subsequent to this idealization phase, and this is when you’re left wondering why you were so abruptly thrust off the pedestal. The narcissist will suddenly start to blow hot and cold, criticizing you, covertly and overtly putting you down, comparing you to others, emotionally withdrawing from you and giving you the silent treatment when you’ve failed to meet their “standards.” Since the “hot” aspect of this phase relies on intermittent reinforcement in which the narcissist gives you inconsistent spurts of the idealization phase throughout, you become convinced that perhaps you are at fault and you can “control” the narcissist’s reactions.

Even though the narcissist can be quite possessive and jealous over you, since he or she views you as an object and a source of narcissistic supply, the narcissist is prone to projecting this same behavior onto you. The narcissist makes you seem like the needy one as you react to his or her withdrawal and withholding patterns even though the expectations of frequent contact were established early on in the relationship by the narcissist himself.

You are mislead into thinking that if you just learn not to be so “needy,” “clingy,” or “jealous,” the narcissist will reward you with the loving behavior he or she demonstrated in the beginning. The narcissist may use these and other similar words to gaslight victims when they react normally to being provoked. It’s a way to maintain control over your legitimate emotional reactions to their stonewalling, emotional withdrawal and inconsistency.

Unfortunately, it is during the devaluation phase that a narcissist’s true self shows itself. You have to understand that the man or woman in the beginning of the relationship never truly existed. The true colors are only now beginning to show, so it will be a struggle as you attempt to reconcile the image that the narcissist presented to you with his or her current behavior.

During the discard phase, the narcissist abandons his or her victim in the most horrific, demeaning way possible to convince the victim that he or she is worthless. This could range from: leaving the victim for another lover, humiliating the victim in public, being physically aggressive and a whole range of other demeaning behaviors to communicate to the victim that he or she is no longer important.

2. Gaslighting.

Most abusive relationships contain a certain amount of gaslighting, a technique narcissists use to convince you that your perception of the abuse is inaccurate. During the devaluation and discard phases, the narcissist will often remark upon your emotional instability, your “issues,” and displace blame of his/her abuse as your fault.

Frequent use of phrases such as “You provoked me,” “You’re too sensitive,” “I never said that,” or “You’re taking things too seriously” after the narcissists’ abusive outbursts are common and are used to gaslight you into thinking that the abuse is indeed your fault or that it never even took place.

Narcissists are masters of making you doubt yourself and the abuse. This is why victims so often suffer from ruminations after the ending of a relationship with a narcissist, because the emotional invalidation they received from the narcissist made them feel powerless in their agency and perceptions. This self-doubt enables them to stay within abusive relationships even when it’s clear that the relationship is a toxic one, because they are led to mistrust their own instincts and interpretations of events.

5. The false self and the true self.

The narcissist hides behind the armor of a “false self,” a construct of qualities and traits that he or she usually presents to the outside world. Due to this armor, you are unlikely to comprehend the full extent of a narcissist’s inhumanity and lack of empathy until you are in the discard phase. This can make it difficult to pinpoint who the narcissistic abuser truly is – the sweet, charming and seemingly remorseful person that appears shortly after the abuse, or the abusive partner who ridicules, invalidates and belittles you on a daily basis? You suffer a great deal of cognitive dissonance trying to reconcile the illusion the narcissist first presented to you with the tormenting behaviors he or she subjects you to. In order to cope with this cognitive dissonance, you might blame yourself for his or her abusive behavior and attempt to “improve” yourself when you have done nothing wrong, just to uphold your belief in the narcissist’s false self during the devaluation phase.

During the discard phase, the narcissist reveals the true self – the ugly, abusive and abrasive monster rears its head and you get a glimpse of the evil that was lurking within all along. You bear witness to his or her cold, callous indifference as you are discarded. You might think this is only a momentary lapse into evil, but actually, it is as close you will ever get to seeing the narcissist’s true self.

The manipulative, conniving charm that existed in the beginning is no more – instead, it is replaced by the genuine contempt that the narcissist felt for you all along. See, narcissists don’t truly feel empathy or love for others – so during the discard phase, they feel absolutely nothing for you except the excitement of having exhausted another source of supply. You were just another source of supply, so do not fool yourself into thinking that the magical connection that existed in the beginning was in any way real. It was an illusion, much like the identity of the narcissist was an illusion.

It is time to pick up the pieces, go No Contact, heal, and move forward. You were not only a victim of narcissistic abuse, but a survivor. Owning this dual status as both victim and survivor permits you to own your agency after the abuse and to live the life you were meant to lead – one filled with self-care, self-love, respect, and compassion.

http://www.forestforwomen.com/2014/07/spot-psychopath-with-this-list.html
http://www.lynnkoiner.com/astrology-articles/the-psychological-vampire-astrologically-viewed


- Stimulation is constantly needed: Neither love nor a stable lifestyle is powerful enough to keep this person awake. He is easily bored and thus in need of a wide variety of new experiences.

- Lacking a sense of responsibility: He does not keep promises. He does not complete what he starts. He is disinterested in helping a loved one. He is uncaring towards his family members.

- Promiscuity: Since he has a habit of thinking of lust as love and he is likely to manipulate people, promiscuity is a peace of cake in his life.

- Acting on a whim: He is impulsive and that is the reason why he gets violent in normal situations.

- Superficial charmer/Readily Fluent: This is quite straightforward. Someone with this trait tries to win the heart by appearing neat and comprehensive while ignoring the deep meaning of topic in question. For an object of affection or at a job interview, he may go overboard with it.

- Inability to control behavior: This has to do with anger and violence. Don't even think about playing a critic to him. He is sensitive to comments and will respond to them with bitter words or violence. He can't help it. By now you should understand that no one has the right to burst his ego.

- Shallow emotional response: It is more like replacing deep feelings with what appears to be extremely shallow to a normal human being. In other words, the person equals lust with love, boredom with sadness and stability to having no life at all.

- Devious and Manipulative: Now there can be hundreds of ways to be devious and manipulative. But what you just read above goes with manipulation quite well. Psychopaths are deceptive. They will use lying to get what they want. They cheat.

- Behavioral problem at childhood: For this, one needs to get into the childhood history of the person in question. Some signs include bullying other children, raising voice against adults, anger management problem, inability to accept his own mistakes, breaking of rules set by adults and so on. Some serial killers did mention that when they were kids they enjoyed hurting animals.

- Inability to have practical long term goals: As he thinks he is so superior, he is more inclined to setting long term goals that make no sense to anyone. But in most cases, what is short term looks more attractive to him. He cares not whether it will help him in the long run.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-HLNJUWRw8

SPOTTING SOCIO-PATHS

Thursday, August 22, 2013 11:42 PM

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From: "Doc Stars" <doc_starz@yahoo.com>

To: "sound_of_stars@yahoogroups.com" <sound_of_stars@yahoogroups.com>

#1) Sociopaths are charming.

#2) Sociopaths are more spontaneous and intense than other people.

#3) Sociopaths are incapable of feeling shame, guilt or remorse.

#4) Sociopaths invent outrageous lies about their experiences.

#5) Sociopaths seek to dominate others and "win" at all costs.

#6) Sociopaths tend to be highly intelligent, but they use their brainpower to deceive others rather than empower them.

#7) Sociopaths are incapable of love and are entirely self-serving.

#8) Sociopaths speak poetically.

#9) Sociopaths never apologize. They are never wrong. They never feel guilt. They can never apologize. Even if shown proof that they were wrong, they will refuse to apologize and instead go on the attack.

#10) Sociopaths are delusional and literally believe that what they say becomes truth merely because they say it!

Learn more:

http://www.naturalnews.com/036112_sociopaths_cults_influence.html#ixzz2clfiGpvz

EMPATHS ARE TARGETED BY SOCIOPOATHS BECAUSE

Wednesday, February 19, 2014 4:13 AM

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From: "Doc Stars" <doc_starz@yahoo.com>

EMPATHS ARE TARGETED BY SOCIOPOATHS BECAUSE  they pose the greatest threat.

The empath is usually the first to detect that something is not right and express what s/he senses.

As a consequence, the empath is both the sociopath's number one foe and a source of attraction; the empath's responses and actions provide excellent entertainment for sociopaths, who use and abuse people for sport. 

Empaths use their ability to emphasize and to boost theirs and others' well being and safety.

The usual set-up goes like this: the empath is forced to make a stand on seeing the sociopath say or do something underhanded. The empath challenges the sociopath, who straight away throws others off the scent and shifts the blame on to the empath. The empath becomes an object of abuse when the apath corroborates the sociopath's perspective.

The situation usually ends badly for the empath and sometimes also for the apath, if their conscience returns to haunt them or they later become an object of abuse themselves. But, frustratingly, the sociopath often goes scot free.

Sociopaths rarely vary this tried-and-tested formula because it virtually guarantees them success.

Sociopaths draw in apaths by various means: flattery, bribery, disorienting them with lies. A sociopath will go to any lengths to win her game.

Problems arise for empaths, however, when there are apaths in the vicinity. Empaths can be brought down, distressed and forced into the position of the lone fighter by the inaction of more apathetic types round them.

The empath. Often, the person targeted by the sociopath is an empath. Empaths are ordinary people who are highly perceptive and insightful and belong to the 40% of human beings who sense when something's not right, who respond to their gut instinct. In The Emperor's New Clothes, the empath is the boy who mentions the unmentionable: that there are no clothes.


Chronically traumatized people often exhibit hyper-vigilant, anxious and agitated behavior, symptoms such as tension headaches, gastrointestinal disturbances, abdominal pain, back pain, tremors and nausea.

People targeted by a sociopath often respond with self-deprecating comments like "I was stupid", "what was I thinking" of "I should've listened to my gut instinct". But being involved with a sociopath is like being brainwashed. The sociopath's superficial charm is usually the means by which s/he conditions people.

On initial contact, a sociopath will often test other people's empathy, so questions geared towards discovering if you are highly empathic or not should ring alarm bells. People with a highly empathic disposition are often targeted. Those with lower levels of empathy are often passed over, though they can be drawn in and used by sociopaths as part of their cruel entertainment.

You, too, need to see sociopaths as they really are. We are conditioned to keep quiet, which often means turning a blind eye to or putting up with abuse.

The boy in the tale represents those who see the problem behavior for what it is and find the courage of their convictions to make a stand. Sight becomes insight, which turns into action.

Awareness is the first step in limiting the negative effects of contact with a sociopath.

To win their games, sociopaths enlist the help of hangers-on: apaths.

The apath. We call those who collude in the sport of the sociopath apathetic, or apaths.

The apath in this context is someone who is willing to be blind

Sociopaths have an uncanny knack of knowing who will assist them in bringing down the person they are targeting. It is not necessarily easy to identify an apath; in other circumstances, an apath can show ample empathy and concern for others - just not in this case. The one attribute an apath must have is a link to the target.

How apaths, who might otherwise be fair-minded people, become involved in such destructive business is not hard to understand, but it can be hard to accept. The main qualifying attribute is poor judgment resulting from lack of insight.

the apath might not want to see the 'bad' in someone, particularly if the sociopath is useful. Or they might choose not to see because they have enough on their plate and do not possess the wherewithal or moral courage to help the targeted person at that time. Usually, be it active or passive involvement, the apath's conscience appears to fall asleep. It is this scenario that causes people blindly to follow leaders motivated only by self-interest.

Apaths are often fearful people. They are the ones most likely to go with the flow, to agree that the emperor/empress is wearing new clothes. They might also fail to perceive the threat: a danger is of no importance if you deny its existence.

An apath's response to a sociopath's call to arms can then result from a state of 'learned helplessness'. Apaths behave defenselessly because they want to avoid unpleasant or harmful circumstances [including the sociopath turning on them]. Apathy is an avoidance strategy.

The world of the empath is not for the faint-hearted. In the context we are discussing, empaths often find themselves up against not only the sociopath but often a flock of apaths as well. Apaths are afforded pole position in the sociopath's intrigues.

But this prime spot comes at a price for, in what we call the "sociopathic transaction", the apath makes an unspoken Faustian pact with the sociopath, then passively or otherwise participates in the cruel sport.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented in such a way as to make the target doubt his/her memory and perception. Psychologists call this "the sociopath's dance". It could involve denial or staging of strange events.

This is Machiavellian behaviour of the worst kind. And anyone can become a victim of the sociopath's gaslighting moves: parent and child, in-laws, friends, groups of people including work colleagues.

Psychotherapist Christine Louise de Canonville describes different phases that the abuser leads the relationship through:

    the idealisation stage, where the sociopath shows herself in the best possible light - but this phase is an illusion, to draw her target in

    the devaluation stage begins gradually so the target is not alert to the sociopath's transformation to being cold and unfeeling, but will begin to feel devalued at every turn; the more distressed the target becomes, the more the sociopath enjoys her power, and her abuse can become more extreme

    the discarding stage - the target is reduced to an object to which the sociopath is indifferent, seeing the game as won; the sociopath rejects any connection, moving on to the next target.

Gaslighting does not happen all at once so, if you suspect in the early stages of a relationship that you are being gaslighted, you can protect yourself by walking away.

( excerpts from full article - click clink to read more)

http://www.sott.net/article/268449-Empathic-people-are-natural-targets-for-sociopaths-protect-yourself

[ S.O.S. : --> ] Regarding "HOW TO DEAL WITH " ; Sociopaths & Psychopaths

Tuesday, February 25, 2014 3:45 PM

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From: "Doc Stars" <doc_starz@yahoo.com>

To: sound_of_stars@yahoogroups.com

Hi folks, some great materials have been posted recently to our Facebook group
on how to deal with sociopaths and psychopaths. If you are on our FB group look these
up using the key word search or just scroll from the top down. If it is of sufficient
interest here, let me know and I will try at some point to copy and paste a number
of these article snippets here for this yahoo forum. Also I was asked by a member
if we have frequencies that can help in dealing with these creatures, I am copying
and pasting my answer to this below ;

Repelling Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Recovery from Psychopaths, Sociopaths

Below are frequency track lists that are very suitable for the repelling
of Psychopaths, Sociopaths and also for recovering from their influence.
Note, the prices listed are retail but you can get discounts directly
from me and you can also choose, mix and match any items from these
list into a custom list, so do not purchase directly from the below
links. Simply decide which frequency track items you desire, send me
that list and I will email you back a discount custom purchase link ;

To get discounts on any of the following, see the section on this web page title

“discounts”.

Repelling Psychopaths, Sociopaths
http://www.tradebit.com/filedetail.php/155674490-banish-dark-energies

Recovery from Psychopaths, Sociopaths
http://www.tradebit.com/filedetail.php/102132790-life-recovery-master-program-vol

http://www.tradebit.com/filedetail.php/208115314-shock-trauma-recovery-collection

http://www.tradebit.com/filedetail.php/153176398-executive-recovery-part

BEWARE THE "CHARMING LIAR" ; appears (May 24th) via Mercury

Saturday, May 24, 2014 8:08 AM

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From: "Doc Stars" <doc_starz@yahoo.com>

BEWARE THE "CHARMING LIAR" ; appears (May 24th) via Mercury
in Gemini and Venus in Aries but quincunx Pluto which on the surface looks like pleasant social communication but most likely would be Great social rationalization in a creepy way and out right LYING Watch out for people trying to talk you into what they want you to do. ... watch out for being misled or being tempted to mislead others, where do facts become opinions.... clever witty mental tap dancing aimed at ripping someone off and getting away with something. 25 minutes into the video
http://youtu.be/yUTSxJuhy2U

Planet Pulse
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dImv-nN-qg

HOW TO DEAL WITH THE SOCIOPATH

Friday, February 20, 2015 6:27 PM

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From: "Doc Stars" <doc_starz@yahoo.com>

To: doc_Starz@yahoo.com

Here are some possible primary and secondary gains for remaining in an abusive relationship:

    Fear of being alone
    Fear of losing money and assets
    Fear of losing access to children and parental rights
    Fear of being viewed as the “bad guy”
    Fear of “failure”
    Fear of the unknown
    Need for approval
    Need to be liked or loved
    Need for acceptance
    Need for affiliation or feeling like you “belong”
    Reinforces your beliefs that you’re unlovable
    Reinforces your beliefs that you have to be perfect to be worthy of love
    Reinforces your beliefs that you have to work hard to earn love
    Reinforces your beliefs that the people who love you are supposed to hurt you

These needs, fears and beliefs are what make it possible for your abusive spouse or partner to hurt you and keep hurting you. They prey upon these fears, needs and beliefs even if they’re not consciously aware of it. Many abusers, narcissists, borderlines, sociopaths and bullies are intuitive predators. They intuitively know what buttons to push to get a reaction. In order to change your role and the rules of your relationship, you need to rewire your “buttons.”

Since your abusive spouse or partner is unlikely to change their behavior, real change is up to you. Here are some alternative ways to respond to her abusive behaviors:

Practice emotional detachment.

Develop a blank, benign facial expression when you’re under attack, baited, ignored or made to feel stupid, wrong or bad.

Work on maintaining a non-defensive body posture.

Learn to modulate your voice so that it doesn’t betray any anxiety, agitation, fear, hurt or anger.

Meet her attacks, put-downs, smirks, eye rolls, hysterics, etc., with unblinking calm and firmly state, “These tactics of yours don’t work anymore. Let me know when you’re ready to respectfully discuss these issues one at a time” and then end the “discussion.”

Plan ahead and designate a place you can go if she won’t let the matter drop like your office, den, workshop or a friend’s house.

If she follows you and continues to try to get a reaction out of you, look at her as if you’re watching a toddler throw a tantrum and tell her you’re taking a timeout.

When you change your role in the relationship dynamic, your partner will probably begin to escalate her hurtful behaviors. Another tenet of field theory is that all systems fight to maintain homeostasis or the status quo.

An abusive partner will use every weapon in her arsenal to keep you under her control. When you refuse to give her the reaction she wants she’ll frantically try pushing all of your buttons at once—kind of like when the TV remote control isn’t working and you push the power button repeatedly so you don’t have to get off the couch.

If you can maintain your cool, she’ll eventually give up and walk away in frustration or pout. She may even become physically aggressive when she realizes her typical verbal aggression isn’t working. Adopting the above behaviors and changing your role in the relationship is for your well-being; not hers.

Behaviors and beliefs are strongly related. When you change the way you behave, your beliefs and attitudes will change, too. You’ll grow out of your old familiar role of target/frustrated spouse/scapegoat-for-everything-wrong-in-her-life-and-every-bad-feeling-she-has and become a person who stands up for and respects himself. This is a significant piece of identity development that may very well cause you to outgrow abusive, one-sided relationships altogether—and that’s a good thing.

When she sees that these are lasting changes and she can’t control you anymore, she’ll accuse you of having changed, engage in projection and tell you that you’re being abusive and controlling and/or may actually end the relationship herself. She may enlist friends, family members and professional therapists or pastors to force you back into your old role in an effort to maintain the status quo.

Alternatively, she may withdraw entirely and become the sullen martyr. Nevertheless, her power over you will be gone because she won’t be able to manipulate you and your emotions like a puppet on a string anymore. Are you ready to change your role, the rules and the balance of power in your relationship?

BEAUTIFUL, CHARMING, HANDSOME : Psychpaths & Sycophants
Psychopaths and sycophants are made for each other. Their symbiosis works as long as
psychopaths remain clever enough to conceal their real game plans with the false promises
sycophants yearn for. FIRST, What is a "Sycophant" : A person who attempts to gain
advantage by flattering influential people or behaving in a servile manner.
The sycophants kiss up to the images the psychopaths have planted in their minds.
With servile devotion, sycophants reach for the handouts from their masters,
oblivious to the source of the presumed benefits.

Identifying psychopaths is both difficult and easy. A mnemonic that can be used to
remember the criteria for antisocial personality disorder, ordinarily considered to
be the umbrella term that includes psychopaths, is "CORRUPT":

C - cannot follow law
O - obligations ignored
R – remorselessness
R – recklessness
U – underhandedness
P - planning deficit and
T – temper.

Only three or more of these are viewed as necessary to point towards an antisocial personality disorder, so you can assess yourself and anyone else against the seven criteria – none of which require the individual to have killed anyone!
http://www.management-issues.com/opinion/4112/psychopaths--sycophants/
http://cultbustersgalactica.yuku.com/topic/257/WORKPLACE-PSYCHOPATHS-SYCOPHANTS-Downfall-Capitalism#.VUExnPDW2VI
http://www.hare.org/welcome/
http://www.proliberty.com/observer/20080503.htm
http://s204.photobucket.com/user/cap_franklin/media/SYCOPHANTS.jpg.html?t=1255824653
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-HLNJUWRw8

...............
Smear Campaigns & Narcissists. Narcissists keep harems because they love to have their egos stroked and they need constant validation from the outside world to feed their need for excessive admiration and confirm their grandiose sense of self-importance. They are clever chameleons who are also people-pleasers, morphing into whatever personality suits them in situations with different types of people. It is no surprise, then, that the narcissist begins a smear campaign against you not too long after the discard phase, in order to paint you as the unstable one, and that this is usually successful with the narcissist’s support network which also tends to consist of other narcissists, people-pleasers, empaths, as well as people who are easily charmed.
This smear campaign accomplishes three things: 1) it depicts you as the abuser or unstable person and deflects your accusations of abuse, 2) it provokes you, thus proving your instability to others when trying to argue his or her depiction of you, and 3) serves as a hoovering technique in which the narcissist seeks to pull you back into the trauma of the relationship as you struggle to reconcile the rumors about you with who you actually are by speaking out against the accusations. The only way to not get pulled into this tactic is by going full No Contact with both the narcissist and his or her harem.

The Idealization-Devaluation-Discard Phase

Narcissists and those with antisocial traits tend to subject romantic partners through three phases within a relationship. The idealization phase (which often happens most strongly during the early stages of dating or a relationship) consists of putting you on a pedestal, making you the center of his/her world, being in contact with you frequently, and showering you with flattery and praise. You are convinced that the narcissist can’t live without you and that you’ve met your soulmate. Be wary of: constant texting, shallow flattery and wanting to be around you at all times. This is a technique known as “lovebombing” and it is how most victims get sucked in: they are tired of the “games” people play with each other in communication and are flattered by the constant attention they get from the narcissist. You may be fooled into thinking that this means a narcissist is truly interested in you, when in fact, he or she is interested in making you
dependent on their constant praise and attention.

The devaluation phase is subsequent to this idealization phase, and this is when you’re left wondering why you were so abruptly thrust off the pedestal. The narcissist will suddenly start to blow hot and cold, criticizing you, covertly and overtly putting you down, comparing you to others, emotionally withdrawing from you and giving you the silent treatment when you’ve failed to meet their “standards.” Since the “hot” aspect of this phase relies on intermittent reinforcement in which the narcissist gives you inconsistent spurts of the idealization phase throughout, you become convinced that perhaps you are at fault and you can “control” the narcissist’s reactions.

Even though the narcissist can be quite possessive and jealous over you, since he or she views you as an object and a source of narcissistic supply, the narcissist is prone to projecting this same behavior onto you. The narcissist makes you seem like the needy one as you react to his or her withdrawal and withholding patterns even though the expectations of frequent contact were established early on in the relationship by the narcissist himself.

You are mislead into thinking that if you just learn not to be so “needy,” “clingy,” or “jealous,” the narcissist will reward you with the loving behavior he or she demonstrated in the beginning. The narcissist may use these and other similar words to gaslight victims when they react normally to being provoked. It’s a way to maintain control over your legitimate emotional reactions to their stonewalling, emotional withdrawal and inconsistency.

Unfortunately, it is during the devaluation phase that a narcissist’s true self shows itself. You have to understand that the man or woman in the beginning of the relationship never truly existed. The true colors are only now beginning to show, so it will be a struggle as you attempt to reconcile the image that the narcissist presented to you with his or her current behavior.

During the discard phase, the narcissist abandons his or her victim in the most horrific, demeaning way possible to convince the victim that he or she is worthless. This could range from: leaving the victim for another lover, humiliating the victim in public, being physically aggressive and a whole range of other demeaning behaviors to communicate to the victim that he or she is no longer important.

2. Gaslighting.

Most abusive relationships contain a certain amount of gaslighting, a technique narcissists use to convince you that your perception of the abuse is inaccurate. During the devaluation and discard phases, the narcissist will often remark upon your emotional instability, your “issues,” and displace blame of his/her abuse as your fault. Frequent use of phrases such as “You provoked me,” “You’re too sensitive,” “I never said that,” or “You’re taking things too seriously” after the narcissists’ abusive outbursts are common and are used to gaslight you into thinking that the abuse is indeed your fault or that it never even took place.

Narcissists are masters of making you doubt yourself and the abuse. This is why victims so often suffer from ruminations after the ending of a relationship with a narcissist, because the emotional invalidation they received from the narcissist made them feel powerless in their agency and perceptions. This self-doubt enables them to stay within abusive relationships even when it’s clear that the relationship is a toxic one, because they are led to mistrust their own instincts and interpretations of events.

5. The false self and the true self.

The narcissist hides behind the armor of a “false self,” a construct of qualities and traits that he or she usually presents to the outside world. Due to this armor, you are unlikely to comprehend the full extent of a narcissist’s inhumanity and lack of empathy until you are in the discard phase. This can make it difficult to pinpoint who the narcissistic abuser truly is – the sweet, charming and seemingly remorseful person that appears shortly after the abuse, or the abusive partner who ridicules, invalidates and belittles you on a daily basis? You suffer a great deal of cognitive dissonance trying to reconcile the illusion the narcissist first presented to you with the tormenting behaviors he or she subjects you to. In order to cope with this cognitive dissonance, you might blame yourself for his or her abusive behavior and attempt to “improve” yourself when you have done nothing wrong, just to uphold your belief in the narcissist’s false
self during the devaluation phase.

During the discard phase, the narcissist reveals the true self – the ugly, abusive and abrasive monster rears its head and you get a glimpse of the evil that was lurking within all along. You bear witness to his or her cold, callous indifference as you are discarded. You might think this is only a momentary lapse into evil, but actually, it is as close you will ever get to seeing the narcissist’s true self.

The manipulative, conniving charm that existed in the beginning is no more – instead, it is replaced by the genuine contempt that the narcissist felt for you all along. See, narcissists don’t truly feel empathy or love for others – so during the discard phase, they feel absolutely nothing for you except the excitement of having exhausted another source of supply. You were just another source of supply, so do not fool yourself into thinking that the magical connection that existed in the beginning was in any way real. It was an illusion, much like the identity of the narcissist was an illusion.

It is time to pick up the pieces, go No Contact, heal, and move forward. You were not only a victim of narcissistic abuse, but a survivor. Owning this dual status as both victim and survivor permits you to own your agency after the abuse and to live the life you were meant to lead – one filled with self-care, self-love, respect, and compassion.

http://www.forestforwomen.com/2014/07/spot-psychopath-with-this-list.html
http://www.lynnkoiner.com/astrology-articles/the-psychological-vampire-astrologically-viewed


"The NARCISSIST depends to such an extent on the opinions of the people around them that they transform into ultra sensitive seismographs of public opinion and into barometers of prevailing social fashions and guardians of conformity. The narcissist can not afford to seriously alienate his consitituency, the people around that reflect hs (her) false sense of self back to him"
Minute 12:19
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-HLNJUWRw8

- Stimulation is constantly needed: Neither love nor a stable lifestyle is powerful enough to keep this person awake. He is easily bored and thus in need of a wide variety of new experiences.
- Lacking a sense of responsibility: He does not keep promises. He does not complete what he starts. He is disinterested in helping a loved one. He is uncaring towards his family members.
- Promiscuity: Since he has a habit of thinking of lust as love and he is likely to manipulate people, promiscuity is a peace of cake in his life.
- Acting on a whim: He is impulsive and that is the reason why he gets violent in normal situations.
- Superficial charmer/Readily Fluent: This is quite straightforward. Someone with this trait tries to win the heart by appearing neat and comprehensive while ignoring the deep meaning of topic in question. For an object of affection or at a job interview, he may go overboard with it.
- Inability to control behavior: This has to do with anger and violence. Don't even think about playing a critic to him. He is sensitive to comments and will respond to them with bitter words or violence. He can't help it. By now you should understand that no one has the right to burst his ego.
- Shallow emotional response: Its is more like replacing deep feelings with what appears to be extremely shallow to a normal human being. In other words, the person equals lust with love, boredom with sadness and stability to having no life at all.
- Devious and Manipulative: Now there can be hundreds of ways to be devious and manipulative. But what you just read above goes with manipulation quite well. Psychopaths are deceptive. They will use lying to get what they want. They cheat.
- Behavioral problem at childhood: For this, one needs to get into the childhood history of the person in question. Some signs include bullying other children, raising voice against adults, anger management problem, inability to accept his own mistakes, breaking of rules set by adults and so on. Some serial killers did mention that when they were kids they enjoyed hurting animals.
- Inability to have practical long term goals: As he thinks he is so superior, he is more inclined to setting long term goals that make no sense to anyone. But in most cases, what is short term looks more attractive to him. He cares not whether it will help him in the long run.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-HLNJUWRw8

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Other topics of Interest :

Check out our New Pineal Neuro-Magnetic Activation Project :

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Flanagans Neurophone and our SOS Tracks :

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How to deliver our frequencies as silent variable magnetic fields versus audible acoustics :

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